Divorce, Loss of Income, and Moving

Loss is not only experienced through death. Maybe you lost a job this year. The loss of income may affect your spending this season. Set a realistic budget and stay within it. Prepare children for the expectation that this year there may not be as many presents given or received, but the holiday can still be meaningful.

Loss is also experienced through divorce. When children are involved in a divorce, the loss of holiday family traditions are usually felt. Decide with the children what new traditions they would like to start, and what old ones they would like to keep. Reassure the children that it's o.k. to spend time with the other parent during the holidays. Finally, don't overbuy to make the children feel better, and ease your own guilt. The children are experiencing a loss, and giving them more presents than usual won't make anyone feel better.

Did you move this year or know someone who did? If you moved this year a great way to make new friends in your neighborhood is to have an open house on Friday evening and serve dessert. Buy a few pies at Marie Callendar’s or Village Inn and brew some different flavors of coffee. You won’t spend the evening in the kitchen, but will be able to socialize with your new friends. If you had a friend who moved away this year remember them on your Christmas card list. Helping your friend keep the connection with the “old” neighborhood will help with the transition to the “new” neighborhood.

Martha Thayer Interviewed on Denver News

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Martha L. Thayer, founder of End of Life Insights, has just appeared on Denver’s Channel 7 News. She was interviewed regarding some of the problems with Colorado’s Funeral Service Industry.

In particular, she is an expert witness in a current legal case, where a man claims to have not been given his mother’s ashes by a Denver crematorium:

-- Click Here to Read the Story --
-- Click Here to Watch the News Coverage --


Scattering Cremated Remains

When a family chooses ground burial or entombment, it’s obvious that the final disposition of their loved one will be marked with some type of marker stating the person’s name, and dates of birth and death. However, when a family chooses cremation, there are more decisions to be made. Although cremation is considered a final disposition, an argument can be made that it is not. Whatever is done with the cremated remains is actually the final disposition.

A common question is “Can I scatter my loved one in the mountains?” Although the U.S. Forest Service usually turns a blind eye to private scattering, they do strictly prohibit memorials. What that means is that you can scatter your loved in the mountains but you cannot leave any type of physical memorial or marker, which would help you find the scattering place later. In recent years, this has become quite an issue for the U.S. Forest Service. I have found several news stories outlining the hours -- and even days -- spent by U.S. Forest Service workers taking down elaborate and heavy memorials that they correctly argue are not part of the ecosystem...and therefore not permitted on Forest Service land.

The issue is this: Families want to scatter their loved one in the mountains, but they also want a permanent place to go where they can connect with their loved one. They want to visit, to talk to them, to connect with nature, and even connect spiritually. They want to see their loved one’s name in writing on a permanent marker, and know they have not been forgotten. They want to know (And who wouldn’t?) that “My loved one lived a good life, was loved, and should be not forgotten.”

The solution: One solution for families choosing cremation is a scattering garden at a cemetery. Gone are the days of the old creepy cemetery that comes to mind around Halloween each year. Today’s modern cemetery is a place of beauty and comfort. Many cemeteries today offer absolutely beautifully landscaped cremation gardens for scattering AND a place to mark in stone that “My loved one lived a good life, was loved, and should be not forgotten.”